nicole cohen 
contributor


I assume we all participate in some kind of inner dialogue in the mornings. Mine happens to be especially bizarre. Half of me is motivated to accomplish all of the things on my to-do list,
and the other half would like to believe that she is on a permanent vacation. It takes me a while to make the leap in the morning from what’s going on in my head, to what’s going on in real life. A little secret: sometimes I never actually make that leap. Today was especially funny. My head was saying WAKE UP! And, my body was begging for sleep. Anyway, I think it’s rare that one has the opportunity to share what’s going on in their head during morning preparations. In honor of my last Argus column, I have decided to give you, the readers, a peek at my own personal morning madness.

It is nine o’clock. I don’t have class until one ten. It’s nine! But, I don’t have class until one o’clock. Fine, sleep. But only for ten more minutes. You must wake-up at exactly 9:11. Fine. It’s ten! I overslept an hour! Whatever, class doesn’t start until one-ten. I have stuff to do though. Get out of bed then. Just one more minute of sleep, please. I will get out of bed at 10:06. All right ten-o-six it is. It’s ten fifteen. I must get up. Then get up.

All right I am up. Oh, I hurt. Sleep. I want to sleep some more. Go shower.

Pee. Flush. Turn on shower. Brush teeth. Rinse. Swallow pills. Test water temperature. Get undressed and climb into the shower. Shampoo hair. This shampoo smells good. Rinse. Get
soapy. I hate this soap. Rinse. Condition hair. hy does conditioner always have to smell like an herb garden? Rinse. Scrub face. Rinse. Wash face. Rinse. Did I forget anything? No. O.k.
get out of the shower. Towel dry. Put on kimono. 

Wait! Where’s my kimono? Shit! I left it my room. 

Doesn’t matter, nobody is home. Streak across the apartment, into my room.

Time to put on clothes.

Radio or CD? CD.

Ahhh! My face is so dry. Put on lotion. Sunscreen or regular? Is it sunny? Sort of. Then put it on, sunscreen that is, not the regular stuff. Ahhh! Dry skin. Put on lotion. It is not a novel
idea Nicole. Oh! Don’t forget deodorant. And, fix your hair and worry about make-up later, after you put on clothes. 

Count Basie is so good to listen to in the morning. 

What are you going to wear? Don’t know. What’s the weather like? Don’t know.

Go to www.weather.com. But I want to wear my sandals. Check out the weather first.

Fine. It’s going to be nice today. Mid to upper seventies. Sandal weather. 

PUT ON CLOTHES! All right. All right. Skirt or khakis? Khakis. But I want to wear a skirt. Wear the skirt then. But, I might be more comfortable in khakis. I will try them both on. I like the
khakis. Plus the sandals look better with them. I like the skirt. And, I could wear those blue slides. That would be cute. Whatever. Ooh. Blue slides, the skirt and my black t-shirt. I think
khakis are better. You’re right. This sucks. I don’t like it. I will wear the khakis, and the sandals, and the blue gingham shirt. No. Wear the red shirt. It works better with the khakis and the
sandals. But, what about the red bag? I can’t wear a red bag and a red shirt. Too much red. The blue shirt is dirty and get over the bag business. Fine. I will forget about the blue shirt.
Red it is, and I will manage with my straw bag. 

Jewelry or no jewelry? Jewelry. But nothing to exciting. What about the Kenyan necklace that your mother gave you? No. It is red white and black and you are wearing read white and
brown. Fine. Silver it is then. 

Yawn. I hate my hair today. It is so poofy. Your hair is fine. It’s poofy. Logan was not paying attention when he cut it. Get over it. Put some hairspray in it. Get a tiny bit of pomade and
mess it up. 

What time is it? Almost eleven. Shit! Woman get in gear! Hurry up! Listen, when Count Basie plays I am in no hurry. Did you understand your philosophy reading? Not really.

Then you had better hurry up. Fine. But what about make-up? Look in the mirror. What do you think? I look tired. I had trouble sleeping last night. Oh crap, I think I am breaking out. And I have a slight sunburn. NO! Do you feel like being made-up today? I don’t really care. 

All right then, pack your bag then and let’s get some breakfast and re-read about reductionists. Pack my bag…Discman, pencil case, notepad, notebook, readings, and both glasses cases…shit! Where are my reading glasses? I am such an old lady; I have reading glasses. Where are they? My room is such a mess. Oh. Here they are. Glasses case, lip balm, sunglasses, ID, keys…Damn you are slow. Letter-to-be posted, toy car, yo-koosh, sunglasses and post-it notes. All packed. 

Ooh I love this song!

Nicole! Grab your stuff, and leave. Screw reductionists. I love to listen to Count Basie in the morning. Philosophy, hello?

Count Basie is singing to me, and nothing else matters. "Don’t the moon look lonesome shining through the trees?" Ooh yeah yeah. 

Thanks to the Argus and its readers for letting me write about all of the strange things going on inside of my head. And, if anyone cares. I got out of my house with plenty of time to re-read my philosophy homework, eat breakfast, and finish listening to Count Basie.