uncertainty now “reviews” By j. bajir cannon Multiplex Movie Theatres These things are pretty good. I enjoy movie-hopping very much, but sometimes the screens are way too small. One time, some friends and I walked into a theatre at a new Multiplex and the curtain was drawn across the screen and we joked, “Where is the screen?” It looked like just a small wall. “Maybe they will wheel in a large television for us to watch it on.” I am not a big fan of small screens but I guess it is worth it if you can see two movies instead of one. Also, I think they are making more movies now because they have all the multiplex theatres to fill up. Some of them are good movies and some aren’t that good. But that depends on taste. Overall, I give Multiplex Movie Theatres eight fingers out of ten. My Dad’s Art Show My Dad’s Art Show was great. When his paintings and sculptures are not in a show, they just sit around the house. He just stacks them up against the chairs and the stereo and against all the walls. He completely fills up the porch and the basement. I like when he has a show because it is easier to move around the house and not get stubbed toes. Sometimes, newspapers say nice things about him and you can tell he is happy that day. There is a whole lot of crappy art in New York City. I think a lot of galleries there are pretty dumb and just choose artists who they think other people might think are hip even if the art is horrible. I saw one gallery where all the paintings were just small white woodblocks with words painted on them like “wood” and “apple” and “tree.” The words weren’t even painted nicely. Anyone could have painted those words. Overall, I give My Dad’s Art Show nine fingers out of ten. Which is a whole lot more fingers than I would give to the art in New York City. Bike Helmets This is a tough one. Because wearing a Bike Helmet is annoying; but they are real safe. A friend of mine got hit by a car on his bike and he was wearing a helmet so he didn’t get hurt too bad. But I hate wearing them. They make everyone look silly and sometimes they aren’t comfortable and I like the wind going through my hair feeling. But they save lives. Bike Helmets are a tough thing to review. Overall, I give Bike Helmets eight fingers out of ten. But I never wear them. Only people who take biking really seriously and wear those tight shorts seem to wear them. Israel Honestly, I don’t give Israel many fingers at all. If it is such a holy place, how come so many people die there. I bet more people have died there than any other city in the world. More people probably die in New York City each year than Israel, but including all the people who died in the past, I am sure Israel takes the cake. “Die” is not the right word. I mean “killed.” Reading in the newspapers about Israel gets me depressed and makes me think that religions are stupid and that humans naturally want to fight each other. A lot of people think it’s important to travel there, but I would never want to go there unless they stop fighting over everything. Israel gets me real upset. Overall, I give Israel two fingers out of ten. Those No-Longer-Hip Metal Scooters My fifteen-year-old brother says they are dumb now and he makes fun of his friends who bought them for like a hundred dollars a year ago. But now you can buy them for ten bucks and they get you places. They aren’t that good on bumpy sidewalks, and I hear some of them break. But I think they are pretty good. I got one for free for winning a game of bingo. It works pretty well. Overall, I give Those No-Longer-Hip Metal Scooters seven fingers out of ten. Loneliness Loneliness sucks. Period. I don’t know why we do that shit to ourselves. Overall, I don’t want to give loneliness any fingers. Well, maybe one finger. The middle one. Winter Dance I saw Winter Dance Saturday night. It was real warm Saturday; it felt like summer. I went to the beach and even walked in the water. In the shallows, there were these snail shells that were clinging to each other in strange formations. One formation looked like a paw. They were real colorful and I wanted to take them home, but Mandy said the snails (or whatever they are) would die if I took them away from the salt-water. But they were all so stuck on each other, they looked like one big, bumpy shell. And what was really nice was that sometimes the shell formations were kind of symmetric. It made me wonder about some divine order to the universe. It also made me think about loneliness because maybe that’s why they’re clinging to each other. I think it would probably get pretty sad just bumping around, in and out of the surf, alone, for days and days. Overall, I give Winter Dance six and a half fingers out of ten. Indian Hill I wanted to end this thing on a good note. I really like Indian Hill. I think it’s my favorite cemetery in the world. I never hung out in cemeteries before coming to Wesleyan, but it is just so nice up there. Sunsets. And running into people. Sometimes just walking around on your own. Overall, I give Indian Hill ten fingers out of ten. If you haven’t been up there, you should check it out. It’s up on the hill behind the tennis courts.

editorial letters uncertainty now Many options with initiative and the University Major All things must pass: Beatle George Harrison, 1943-2001 Recognize Israel’s culpability in the Palestinian conflict Acquiescence fails to get out message and create dialogue  Border guard demonstration realistic, not offensive Campaign finance is a civil rights issue Hemp dinner at Earth House “Band” banned at 230 Washington

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