i hold no grudge
“ball breaker”

By Edna Togba



Some people have balls.

Let me clarify. Some people believe that they have balls.

Sometimes, it can be quite impressive—their display of “power.” But, in the end it’s just kind of pathetic. They go on with this masquerade until someone sets them straight.

Here are a few of my favorite examples of people who deserve to be put in their places and have their balls crushed for being so cocky and inconsiderate.



Example #1 The Pervert

a.k.a. The Old Man at the Club

For spring break last year, my friend Emilia and I went to Montreal. We asked for our clothing sizes in French and checked our e-mail in gay cyber-cafes. We walked along the streets taking photographs of graffiti and we sipped wine and talked about life and its wonderful complexities in bar lounges.

We argued with Canadians about America even though we secretly agreed with their criticisms. (Isn’t it funny how protective you become of your country, culture or family when an outsider is being critical even though you may agree?) We also went to a club that only played eighties music. This is where I became angry about the lack of respect and cockiness that some people have.

Emilia had gone off to the bathroom and I was left sitting at the bar, tapping my foot to vintage Prince. Suddenly I felt hands on my shoulders and I felt a hand grabbing my left breast. I turned around to see a greasy guy who looked like that old guy at the club who probably should not be hanging out with twenty-something year-olds. I could not believe that he had the nerve to reach around me and put his hand down my shirt.

He was taken aback when I told him to back the f*&k off of me. He seemed surprised that I had started to yell at him. He seemed even more surprised that he couldn’t buy me a drink as his way of ‘apologizing.’ He was slowly licking his lips.

I asked if he was kidding.

He wasn’t.



Example #2 The Worst Grandson in the World

I read an article about a grandmother in Toledo who bailed her grandson out of jail only to have him rob her and steal her car.

She had been the only family member to visit him for his entire jail term. He was convicted of armed robbery. Even still, his grandmother stood by him and brought him new clothes so that he didn’t have to wear his prison gear on his first day out as a free man.

Imagine a 77 year-old grandmother driving a Buick to pick up her grandson from prison. She was probably praying to God the entire car ride about how much faith she has in the Lord and how she hoped her grandbaby would seek salvation in the Heavenly father. She probably told her neighbors that he was getting out of prison and would be a straight man from now on. I imagine that she prepared baked chicken or homemade Lasagna the night before because she probably figured that her grandson would want a home-cooked meal. She probably made her best apple pie with cinnamon on top and had it waiting for him on the dining room table.

They didn’t get to eat any of these foods. They didn’t even make it to her house because he tricked his poor grandmother and stole her car while on a quick stop at McDonald’s on the way home. He stranded her at the restaurant and immediately went to sell the new clothes that she had just given to him. The next day he robbed a bank teller. Later, the police found him and the car stuck in mud. He had locked the doors and was smoking a crack pipe.

He is in jail again and his grandmother is still praying for him.



Example#3 The Snobby Beggar

One cold Chicago winter night, I was walking downtown walking toward the subway. It was cold and the windshield factor was some ridiculous number. The wind slashed at my face and my fingers were numbed by the cold despite my gloves.

I stopped at the McDonalds on the corner to get a cup of hot chocolate. While I was going in a panhandler asked me for money. I told him no. Instead I bought him a large hot chocolate.

I was glad to give him something to warm him up because like I said it was a cold and bitter night. He wasn’t even wearing a coat and I wished that I had more money so that I could actually buy him a meal but I did the best that I could under the circumstances-a very hot, hot chocolate.

On my way out the panhandler asked me for money again. I gave him the hot chocolate and wished him a good night. I was just approaching the stairs leading the subway when I heard someone saying, “Miss? Excuse Me. Miss?” I turned around and saw him staring at me. He had placed the hot chocolate on the ground and began to loudly berate me about the fact that he did not ask for “This shit,” pointing to the hot chocolate. He said that he had asked for money.

I explained to him that I didn’t have any money. Hot chocolate was the best that I could do for him.

He yelled at me some more, calling me all sorts of names and eventually wandered off leaving the hot chocolate on the ground.

(Last time I checked, you say ‘Thank You’ when you are given something.)

This reminds me of one time when this guy on the train asked my mom for some money and she gave him a few dollars and he threw the bills in her face and started yelling at her about how stingy she was being.



I simply do not understand the level of selfishness displayed in these examples. I hope that I am never that selfish and self-absorbed. These people try to make you feel like the ‘loser’ by asserting’ power’ over you.

It’s about having control, I suppose. Or about feeding a habit and being in “control” of that habit. It’s sad the way people are abused when they are trying to help or even when they are just minding their own business. You just can’t seem to win.

But then there are times where the whole world is in love with you and no one is cocky or domineering. Those are the best times. Some would call those times the college years.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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