Public Safety called in for MoCon cup craziness By J.Charles Taney I am writing this wespeak to comment on the absolute absurdity that occurred on the night of December 5, 2001 – a date that will go down in infamy. On the night in question, what seemed like several cups being randomly and accidentally dropped turned into one of the ugliest events Mocon has ever seen. Hear me now and understand me later – because it is true, people started dropping plastic, completely indestructible cups ON PURPOSE. During the hysteria, which some people actually thought was funny, the Mocon staff felt their lives were threatened. Consequently, the almighty and all powerful Fabulous PS Five were called to the rescue. They divided and conquered the brewing riot within an hour, which is impressive indeed (except replace impressive with ‘completely humiliating’.) I would just like to comment that the fact that Wesleyan Public Safety was called on a ‘dropped cup riot’ is the most embarrassing call to action since the ‘Using Mocon plates for Skeet shooting’ incident in ’89. All I am thankful for is that Public Safety did take mug shots of the ‘suspects,’ and got the hooligans’ names on record. Their blatant disrespect for Mocon plastic wear will not go unpunished. Public Safety missed several, however, including me. Yes, that is correct, I DROPPED ONE OF THE UNBREAKABLE CUPS – and I did it on purpose. Furthermore, I would do it again. Yeah, that’s right, I’m a bad ass. I do understand, however, that my opinion may not be held by all others, so I went throughout my dorm trying to find people to comment on the incident. In the words of Wes ‘The Tick’ Fuhrman, “Eating surrounded by Public Safety officers was like dining in a prison, and not one of those nice prisons, one of those really crappy prisons.” Another of my friends, Dan Feinstein stated “I was almost moved to tears.” See what happens? You ruined Dan’s meal, Public Safety – shame on you. I ventured also to get the opinion of the opposite sex, so I axed my friend who is a girl about the madness. ‘College’ Kate Greathead, breathed heavily and whispered, “Charlie, you can’t write this type of stuff in a wespeak, it’s not your usual standard of funny, in fact its not funny at all.” See what happens? You get me trouble with my friend who is a girl! Public Safety – you just ruined my chances… Thanks a lot. One of my best friends, Timothy ‘The Home Ave. Hustler’ Johnson, who was recently SJB’d for ‘Being Under the Influence of Fun,’ was so upset that he refused to comment. I know I’m being a bit cynical, and perhaps down-right mean, but it just is pathetic that Public Safety can’t be used more effectively, for instance, to solve the theft of my little puppy Thor (by the way, he’s a Pomeranian, about 1’2’’, and weighs 3 pounds. He fits conveniently in most overhead storage bins). If you’re reading this, Thor, mummsy loves you. Taney is a member of the class of 2005.

editorial letters i hold no grudge Ask AASC about the Asian American Studies issue Release GLBTQQ survey results to student body NOW! Palestinians earned culpability by snubbing peace efforts Mid East violence is simply one nation under attack  Talib Kweli, Von Bondies to play Winter Carnival Univ. Major and tutorials not enough Music enriches your soul, not just your ears Public Safety called in for MoCon cup craziness Dearth of courses yields Visual Arts Un-visible Multicultural curriculum more than intellectual fad Veal-eater asks for the right to choose

The Wesleyan Argus © 2001 Wesleyan University Questions/Comments: Min Ter Lim, Online Editor or the Argus