OK. First things first. Now that we know that you are “the Leader,” can you explain why you started the Boogie Club?

The Stunt Club is in reaction to all the recent events which  have thrown our world and our future into doubt. By performing stunts we hope to accomplish two distinct objectives. First, by putting ourselves at senseless risk, we will comment on the self-indulgent futility of the actions of almost everyone involved in worldwide politics today. Second, by successfully completing these superhuman feats, which would seem at first glance to be ‘impossible,’ we will show that the troubles of the world can be overcome if we have the courage to try.

What made you want to dance?

There are two things which are necessary for a fine stunt: a terrifying obstacle and some human means of overcoming it.

Do you feel it’s been successful?

Obviously, people in the Stunt Club will have to sign waivers releasing the organization and Wesleyan University from all liability. Death or serious injury is a definite possibility!

What are the upcoming events the Boogie, or “Stunt,” Club has planned?

Unfortunately, the dangerous and sensitive nature of the stunts which we have planned means that we simply cannot discuss them at this time. Even the slightest millimeter of error and someone could die.

Just as long as it’s not me, that’d be fine. In fact, you could sacrifice yourself to Error. Anyway, is it true that you are from Middletown?

Last night, I dreamt of San Pedro.

I’ll take that for a definitive yes. In that case, do you have Middletown pride?

Our destinies are linked forever.  Save me from this terrible love.

That may or may not be a cry for help. While I’m trying to figure that out, can you describe the essence or the magic of Middletown in one sentence?

SNOW BUNNIES!

That was more of a phrase. But I’ve processed the previous question and now think I may or may not know why you may or may not be crying for help.

Would you ever consider swimming in the Connecticut River?

Consider it done. That is something very easy that the Stunt Club will do. We have a pyrotechnics specialist and a jumping specialist and a skateboarding specialist.  No one’s stunts are more daring than Stunt Club’s. Keep your eyes open for unbelievable stunts.

On a side note, or not so side as the case may be, what’s your philosophy on life?

A few ideas for songs at my funeral:

“Gates of Steel” — Devo

Vo la Tengo’s version of “Little Honda”

“Don’t worry baby” — the Beach Boys

That’s one way of looking at it. All of this in mind, do your plans for after graduation include Middletown?

Middletown and I have a strange magnetism, or animal lust if you will. I think we’re perfect for each other. All my friends tell me that she’s not good enough for me, but there’s a certain something. I think it might be a little something called “love”.