Horoscopes

By Glynda, Zeldo and Marugop
Psychic Partners

Aries — A Capella figures big in your future, so head for the hills runnin’. If you look under your bed, you’ll find whatever it is you’ve been looking for the last two days. Hope he/she’s a brunette. Lucky acronym: H.O.R.D.E.

Taurus - Ask for extra pancakes with your moo-shoo vegetable - you won’t be disappointed. You know, we need a pancake place on Main Street. Who needs a movie theater? Just give me that Rooty Tooty Fresh ’n Fruity! Lucky acronym: I.H.O.P.

Gemini - If you’re a Gemini, like me, you never know what to expect. The downside is that you quote movies all the time, and are therefore quite predictable. Lucky acronym: S.P.E.C.T.R.E.

Cancer - Your new dean is waiting for your call. Go ahead, what have you got to lose? Do it at night. Late at night. Say you have questions about Gen Eds. Wear nothing. Lucky acronym: S.N.E.T.

Leo - Don’t listen to those sexist email forwards. 25 Reasons We Like Men the Way They Are? Puh-leeze! You only need one! Their sense of humor! Duh! Lucky acronym: N.K.O.T.B.

Virgo - Take a walk on the wild side. Do something reckless, and possibly life-threatening. At about 11:30, walk home from WeShop. Lucky acronym: C.V.H.

Libra - You don’t quite fit in, like a sink in a fireplace. Quench those flames with your out-of-the-ordinary ideas before you find yourself in hot water. Lucky acronym: S.W.A.K.

Scorpio - Your lightning-fast reflexes may save your life one day, so lay off the Molson Light. That stuff kills brain cells, like arrz. So lae offff the bruski. Masjfdgksfsj. Ghesd. luKky AcRnimm: WesRH.RKI.SOf.G. H.

Sagittarius - Get some grain in your diet - buy yourself a nice Country Loaf. That’s good eatin’. Better yet, make your own country loaf. Best done outdoors. Lucky acronym: D.A.R.E.

Capricorn - Your wartime exploits are catching up to you. Don’t be surprised if you need to team up with a secret spy organization to defeat an old foe. Lucky acronym: S.H.I.E.L.D.

Aquarius - Take a scenic train ride for fall foliage. For information, call x3312. All psychic readings are given by fully qualified professionals and/or editors. Lucky acronym: R.E.M.

Pisces - Bring your umbrella today, unless you’ve already left, in which case it’s too late, and you’ll probably get wet. At least, you will if it rains. Or if you fall into the river. Good luck! Lucky acronym: W.C.W.