Editorial

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of [food]."
-Charles Dickens

Food: can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Wait. That may not be entirely true. Maybe you can live with it. Ask around. Some people might even say that you can’t live without it. Now, I don’t care where you stand on this divisive issue, and frankly, I don’t care. All of you non-food-eaters can go on "toasting bread" and "writing memoirs" or whatever it is that your kind does. I’m talking to the food-eaters here.

I know how popular it is on this campus to speak highly of the food. Seems like you can’t swing a dead cat these days without hitting a pack of kids singing the praise of campus center cuisine. Yesterday, for example, my lunch was interrupted by the incessant babbling of these "food-o-philes."

"This taco tastes like crap," said one student, obviously joking.

"Yeah. I don’t think I can eat another god-awful bite of my crappy taco. I may throw up all over the rest of this crappy lunch," said another prankster.

These kids are just front-runners. "Food-liking" sheep following the "food-liking" herd. Listen up, kids: I understand that you want to be popular. But don’t sell your soul for a few fair-weather friends (see FAIR-WEATHER FRIENDS, at left) and a crappy meal. Stop lying to yourself.

I know that Charles Dickens lived in a different place and different time, but I think that if he were writing today, that unforgettable scene in Oliver Twist might have gone a little something like this:

OLIVER: Please sir, may I have some good food instead of this crap?
(pause, then, singing)

OLIVER: I, mean, sir,
Where are we?

Wesleyan?!

What is this crap?

Wesleyan fooooooood?!

It tastes like crap!

CURTAIN.