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Real Christian Men Forgive Themselves by Jennifer Mackenzie |
The idea may seem juvenile: to halt "the crumbling of the nation" by having men gather in football stadiums and swear, cross their hearts and hope to die, to love Jesus and their families. Certainly, Reverend Stu Weber’s statement that Promise Keepers, the group that takes credit for this idea, "is the men’s movement," since "...eventually, you’ve got to get back to the Genesis spring," struck me as deluded. But this all-male, right-wing, Christian evangelical group is moving thousands of men towards emotional and spiritual healing. And many participants, like Steve Farer, believe that their renewed "male leadership" is bound to solve "the major pressing issues that are facing us--violence, teen pregnancy, and broken families." Egocentric though this expectation may be, Donna Minkowitz, a reporter for Ms. magazine who attended a conference in male disguise, praised its "warm compassion and undaunting talk about self-critique." She pointed out that its invocation "of conscience, forgiveness, and the capacity to change" are "qualities that are hardly ever referred to by Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson or, for that matter, by the leftists and gay liberationists who’ve been my closest comrades." The uncramped, in-your-face atmosphere reminded her of an ACT-UP rally, though she added -- in one of the best lines ever -- "I’m sure our interaction would have been a lot less loving if they’d known I was a girl--and an unrepentant lesbian Yid to boot."
So the question is, are these transformitive promises a giant step forward or back for the million-plus American men who have made them? And what do they promise for the rest of us?
"Profoundly contradictory," "ambiguous," "incoherent." Such adjectives are used again and again by commentators to describe the message of the Promise Keepers. One of the reasons for the confused, patchwork teaching that P.K.s spread is the speed with which it has grown, creating a multi-opinioned body. It was founded in 1990 by Bill McCartney, then head football coach for the University of Colorado. McCartney has lobbied for the state’s anti-gay Amendment 2 and has been a featured speaker at Operation Rescue events. This man also defended two of his players against accusations of date rape by saying that its only rape "when real physical violence is involved." He only stopped holding mandatory prayer sessions for his team when the ACLU threatened to sue. Not surprisingly, some of this lovely background has leaked into the platform of the Promise Keepers. Within its literature one can find exhortations for women to "give [the role of leader] back to your husband... for the sake of our culture, let a man be a man if he’s willing." Men are told not to ask but "to take it back." For understandable reasons, activists, including poet Allen Ginsberg, have attacked Promise Keepers as a sexist, homophobic organization.
Yet--there is always a yet--most of the speakers emphasize "that men’s fear of being seen as weak or unimportant--in effect, their fear of being equated with women--can become a terrible obstacle in all their relationships." The focus of the conferences is for men to take responsibility for their actions, to take others’ feelings into account and to be better people, rather than better men. Speakers achieve general catharsis by confessing their guilt as neglectful or abusive husbands to a sympathetic audience. While the effect of this passion may be to over-estimate the effect men can have on others’ lives, it breaks down the mask of self-sufficient pride that many men feel obliged to wear, in defense of their masculinity. Any movement that can get several thousand middle-aged men (the average age is thirty-eight) to cry openly, embrace and walk with their arms around one another and admit that they are lonely, scared, or regretful cannot be all bad.
One of the seven promises that a participant is asked to follow is "reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of Biblical unity." Promise Keepers have been consistently strong supporters of this principle--much stronger, at least, than any other major right-wing organization. While they remain mostly white, the number of African-American and Latino members has risen from 7% to 14%, with the staff at a steady 25%. McCartney preaches reconciliation of all peoples, and the National Black Evangelical Association applauded him at their convention last fall, though they emphasize that "reconciliation is not assimilation".
Just as the Promise Keepers have no consensus as to what women’s role should be, there is likewise no "feminist" consensus about the Promise Keepers. Some women encourage or demand that their husbands attend. Others who were initially suspicious of this gigantic boys club are now supportive of it. "As a woman," said Lois Rabey, who covered the ‘93 Boulder convention, "I didn’t hear anything particularly alarming. Frankly, I felt the men were finally doing what Christian women have been doing for a long time." Publishers eager to get a piece of the expanding market for men’s self-help books are busy rolling out the same vaguely ridiculous titles, like Uneasy Manhood (Robert Hicks), and Real Men Have Feelings Too (Stu Oliver) to match the ones they’ve been printing for women for years.
But many more women remain wary. At present there is room for a fairly wide spectrum of women’s roles in the ideology of the Promise Keepers, corresponding to the variety of members. The backbone, the foundation of the group, however, remains patriarchal, and stems from the Bible quote, "For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church." This assumes that women prefer marriage as well as heterosexuality. And this outlook, which puts all responsibility for the solution of America’s problems as well as all the blame on men’s shoulders, also negates women’s power.
The Promise Keepers say they have "nothing to do with politics", and have postponed their own million-man march on Washington DC until 1997 so as not to be linked with an agenda in the presidential elections. But given the fire-and-brimstone turn that right-wing politics has taken lately, any and every public stand on Jesus becomes inevitably political. Promise Keepers’ rhetoric is notably lacking in the scapegoating that most other right-wing Christian groups employ. Yet their definition of true maleness as being a good husband, father and Christian categorically excludes men who do not choose to place themselves in those groups. It is hard for me to believe that Promise Keepers fresh from rallies are easily able to make the distinction that the way that works for them is not necessarily the way that works for all. Indeed, many Christian commentators see the P.K.s relatively sudden and massive success as proof not only of the need for men to re-examine their lives but also that "the Holy Spirit is igniting a flame in the hearts of men all over the nation." And with the Promise Keepers’ budget last year at $64 million, no doubt many politicians and lobbyists will see an opportunity to harvest some of the economic generosity that the Spirit seems to have ignited as well.
Perhaps the most interesting thing about the Promise Keepers as a new organization is that it serves so many ends simultaneously. It helps men to grow on an intensely personal level, to find a more forgiving definition of "manhood" and masculinity, and it seems to genuinely strengthen interracial and familial ties. There is no question that it is fighting against the same circumstances, whether you call them social "evils" or "diseases," that many less conservative groups are. But the models it uses to redefine man- and womanhood are drawn from "traditional" sources like the Bible, and its liberating experience depends on evangelical faith. And so it also ends up re-enforcing the assumptions of the power structure that said "real men can’t have feelings too," or give women an equal share of control, or fall in love with other men. It remains to be seen whether Promise Keepers will be able to outgrow their own background.
| A Promise Keeper is committed to: honoring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God’s word - pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises - practicing spiritual, moral, ethical and sexual purity - building strong marriages and families through love, protection and Biblical values - supporting the mission of the church, - reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of Biblical unity - influencing the world, being obedient to the Great Commandment [love thy neighbor] and the Great Commission [spread the Word]. |