Jello for Prez The Electoral College goes Punk Rock Academy by Rachel Wallis In November 1999, presidential politics became just a little bit more… punk rock. That’s because during that month, Jello Biafra was nominated to run in the March 7th, New York Green Party presidential primary. For those unaware of the exploits of Mr. Biafra, he is the ex-lead singer of the Dead Kennedys, a member of the punk band Lard, and founder of the Alternative Tentacles record label. He was a defendant in the first criminal trail over a record (the Dead Kennedys album Frankenchrist) and appeared before Tipper Gore during the Senate/Parents Music Resource Center hearings. This is not Biafra’s first brush with politics. In 1979, he ran for mayor of San Francisco and won 3.5% of the vote. This year he joined consumer advocate and Green Party golden boy Ralph Nader, college professor and peace activist Joel Kovel, and Stephen Gaskin, the founder of The Farm, a commune in Tennessee, in the race for the Green Party Nomination. Biafra has named journalist and death row inmate Mumia Abu-Jamal as his running mate, and has announced a platform that includes the enactment of a maximum wage and shifting the United States to parliamentary rule. Initially, it is easy to laugh off Biafra’s candidacy. In the first place, he is running with a party that ran “grampa” Al Lewis, of Munsters fame, for governor of New York last year. Secondly, even Biafra admits that he has no hopes of winning, noting that he voted for Nader in the ’96 elections and likely would again. Yet the more I look at the reasons that he’s running, the more respect I have for him. At forty-two, he is still an advocate of youth (he’s even proposed lowering the voting age to five) and he’s refused to sell out in his personal life. He’s currently fighting a legal battle with his ex band-mates in order to keep a Dead Kennedys song from becoming a Levi’s ad. Unwilling to settle, he’s been an outspoken critic of not only the Reagan/Bush years, but the Clinton administration as well. Most importantly, his campaign has caused many young punk rockers that would be otherwise totally disaffected to take a closer look at the political process. The overwhelming guilt associated with not voting for the Democrats has coerced way too many leftists and radicals to campaign for Bradley as the lesser of two evils. With essentially no real choice in this election, it’s refreshing to see that Biafra, a self-proclaimed anarchist, is unafraid to be extreme. Jello’s Platform Enactment of a maximum wage Payback through free healthcare, education and public transportation Withdrawal of the US from NAFTA and the World Trade Organization, ideally forcing their dissolution A moratorium on (or at least the mandatory labeling of) irradiated and genetically engineered "frankenfood" End the "War on Drugs," disband the DEA, and commute the prison sentences of all small time drug offenders to "time served" Abolish the military and CIA, and destroy all nuclear weapons Shift the United States Government to Parliamentary rule, with proportional representation, and a sixty day limit on election campaigns. "None of the Above" option on all ballots, whereby a majority of dissatisfied voters can force a new election. Allow taxpayers to choose exactly where the government directs their money Citizen election of police officers - Legalize squatting in abandoned buildings Eradicate all SUV's!!!!!!!!