(Written for the Monday Night Rally about a month ago. It was too long to be read so very little of it was said.)
Following below is a satirical account of what the recent public safety email bulletin made me think of: “To all Wesleyan women: Dear ladies, You seem to have forgotten that you are not safe; that you are not free. Shame on you! Due to recent events caused by your naughty forgetfulness, it is our job to remind you that 1. you are not to walk alone anywhere at anytime, including trips to get food or mail 2. you are not to go out at night without a male escort 3.you are not to ignore your surroundings of hints of your impending doom 4.you are not to feel safe, ever, for it is only an illusion If you want to avoid any potential assaults against your person please do all of the following suggestions: 1.assume every male wants to assault you (because every man CAN rape you, unless you’re a mermaid of course) 2.carry a whistle so we know where to send the ambulance 3.anytime you need to go somewhere outside of your home please call the safety shuttle hotline and give them your current location, desired destination, your full name, your prisoner security code and your entire sexual history 4.wear clothing that covers your whole body and ideally lets you pass in public as a male 5.do not smile or flirt with anyone 6.do not use alcohol, drugs, or have fun with strangers, meaning people you haven’t known for at least five years, although we realize this is difficult at a four year institution Also, the Office of Student Health has just advised us that starting next week women can have a homing device implanted in their necks for only five dollars. Signed………..Public Safety, or Office for the Protection and Endorsement of the Straight Male Hegemony
Ok, so that was a total exaggeration and over the top. But that’s how I felt after reading Public Safety’s bulletin. Please note I was in no way bashing Public Safety. But they’re acting like the recent atrocities are convenient excuses to remind women that we are not safe or free. To remind us that our behavior and movement is to be monitored and restricted.
This society’s idea of rape prevention involves teaching girls about living in a state of imprisonment, paranoia, and self blame because of the “dark reality” out there. Well, I say it’s about time we stop pointing fingers at the victims and women in general and go after the perpetrators. I say we stop prepping little girls for their inevitable subjugation and start telling little boys what THEIR rights are, and more importantly, are not. For example, you do not have the right to touch anyone without their expressed verbal permission. Granted, this applies for women too. And if this means asking before you kiss someone, well so be it.
But besides educating the little boys let’s also tell the big boys too because socializtion or not, THEY ARE TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAS BEEN DONE AND WHAT CONTINUES TO BE DONE. There, I said it.
The headlines today told of an abusive husband who shot his wife when she tried to leave him. It was a message to all other women in similar situations saying: Girls, don’t leave, because this is what’ll happen.
And you know what? I’m sick and tired of hearing the “1 in 4 women by the age of 18” statistic. What I want to know is what percentage of men out there are rapists. We know that 95% of sexual assaults and other acts of violence against women are done by men. But who are these men? They are not mentally ill. In fact, they are highly functioning, participating members of society. I would go as far as to say that they are normal, under today’s standards. They’re all around us. They’re my father, your doctor, our lawyer. They’re that frat boy and this science geek. But, just like the recent assaults, we don’t know exactly who they are. So I choose to point the finger at the collective gender of men. I do this as Malcolm X pointed the finger at the collective white man. I do this with the same intentions of my seventh grade teacher when she didn’t know who put the thumb tack on her chair. She chose to punish us all to make those of us who weren’t guilty angry at being blamed to the point where we sought out the guilty parties among our own and took them down. Because blaming the stereotyped psycho-sicko frat boy does nothing but delay. What I’m saying is that besides not blaming the victim, we also need to turn our energy and our anger and out pain towards the cause.
And we could talk and walk in circles looking for the “true cause”, whether it be porn or a rapist’s personal history of abuse or my personal favorite: socialization, but I say we cut the bullshit and say it. Men are to blame. Men as a collective, patriarchal dominating group are to blame. And anyway, it was men who created the porn and raped the rapists when they were children and it is men now who are beating and raping and abusing today.
Call me a male basher if you want but I’m just being honest. I’m not claiming violence is inherantly a male trait, I’m just saying that who I see doing everything I just mentioned, along with pulling all those triggers in schools we hear about, are boys. To all the men out there reading, I’m not individually accusing you. Rather, I’m demanding that you realize the part you play in patriarchy. Even the best male feminist can walk down a street and (mostly) escape cat calls and the fear of rape. You may not be a direct part of the cause but are you part of the solution?
Guys who are reading: Yes, maybe you haven’t raped someone, but rather than write me off as a reverse sexist, as Malcolm X was as a reverse racist, why don’t you swallow your defensiveness and honestly take a look at your own behavior. Have you ever called at a woman while driving past her or, as I like to put it, took part in a drive-by rape? (Because rape is about power and humiliation and the driver has the power to humiliate.) Have you ever heard a sexist joke and laughed? And don’t call me a humorless feminazi because I know, or at least hope, that if you heard a racist joke of equal calliber you wouldn’t laugh. Have you ever called a woman whore or bitch or even lesser things like fat or prude? I’m asking you to consider these terms equivalent to nigger, spic, fag, etc. And by the way, I know women are capable of all of these things, including rape, I’m just saying we stop blaming the victims and start asking something more of the perpetrators which statistically points to men. And if you still haven’t even done any of these things, such as tell sexist or racist jokes, have you done anything to stop the abuse around you?
Boys, it’s time you got a public safety bulletin telling you what and what not to do. It’s time for you to Give Back the Night rather than watch, or even join us, in going hoarse in the throat from Taking it Back again and again. It’s time for you to not tolerate sexist or violent behavior in yourself or in others.
And a final note to the women, and well, the collective whole: Break the silence. Talk about these issues. If I’ve said something that upset you don’t blame me. Go out and talk and think about it. If you’ve ever been assaulted don’t be blamed/shamed/and tamed. Rather use it as a source of constructive anger. Don’t identify as a victim but as a survivor. If you’re a survivor tell your friends and lovers. If they leave, they weren’t your friends anyway. Don’t keep it a secret, because what you keep inside will destroy you. What you bring forth from within will save you.
Thank you
|