by the fearless cook
We here at Hermes like to think of ourselves as progressive, even radical, and to prove it, we not infrequently publish rambling opinion pieces on our own political convictions, whether anarchist, communist, or environmentalist. In that grand tradition, I have compiled this "how-to" manual for the kitchenless on getting the most out of your fire hazards.
Because illicit cuisine is a political statement best kept from the running dogs of ResLife, it’s less of a battle cry than, say, informing the readers of Hermes about your political beliefs. On the other hand, it can be enacted daily in ways that the authors of all those articles cannot or do not enact anarchy and communism.
Many of you probably have hot pots in which you make ramen noodles. Think bigger. At Bradlees (a unionized workplace, no less) you can get any number of dorm-ready appliances. Electric skillets run a little under $30. Non-broiler toaster ovens are about $40. Woks, rice and vegetable steamers, microwaves, bread makers, and crock pots are also available, and can be concealed without too much difficulty. Get a couple friends together, think about what you want to cook, and each invest in an appliance (or part of one). Add a knife, a couple pieces of tupperware that can be used for mixing, storage, or eating out of, and a cutting board (though an old textbook will also do), and you’re ready to cook.
There are a number of obvious things to cook. You can make pasta in a wok or a skillet, though you can’t make all that much of it in the skillet. Scrambled or fried eggs, pancakes, and french toast are all easily made in a skillet, as are most kinds of plain meat, if you’re the kind of anti-revolutionary redneck who eats flesh. If, however, you are Aiding The Cause by eating your vegetables, stir fries are also easy to make in those appliances, provided that you can find acceptable vegetables at Weshop, which has some prepared sauces and potential sauce ingredients for the more creative or competent.
Weshop also has an amazing stock of canned beans. Canned beans are your friend. Refried beans can be added to sauted onions and garlic, put on tortillas with lettuce, sour cream, salsa, and cheese and called tacos. Add rice and they’re burritos. Black beans are good with onions, garlic, green peppers, and tomatoes. If you’re lazy, just heat them with salsa. Cumin or curry powder also make black beans more interesting. White beans (if you’re being traditional-kidney beans also work), spinach, and garlic make beans and greens, which has the added benefit of rhyming.
Curry is also easy to make if you have a skillet. Use Instant India paste, crushed tomatoes, cream or coconut milk, and water for the sauce, messing around with the proportions some to figure out how spicy and how runny you like your curry. Potatoes, chick peas, and onions make a good base for your curry, though potatoes always have to cook for longer than you’d think. If you have a microwave or toaster oven, cook them in that until they’re nearly done, then put them into the skillet with the rest of your ingredients.
Toaster ovens are obviously good to heat things in, but Bobolis get old quickly, and you can actually bake in the ovens. The Neon Deli usually carries the kind of cupcake papers that don’t require a muffin tin, so you can make cupcakes or muffins. If you can stop eating the dough before it’s all gone, you can have actual cookies. Sliced apples, butter, brown sugar, and oatmeal make apple crisp. Bisquick boxes have a really easy biscuit recipe (and Bisquick can also be used for pancakes). Baked potatoes are always good. Weshop sells mix for potato knishes, which are good with apple sauce, sour cream, and lots of salt.
Combining 1 tablespoon of brown sugar, 3/4 cup sour cream, 3/4 cup plain yogurt, 1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce, 1/2 cup mustard, 1/4 teaspoon pepper, 2 teaspoons dried basil, and some salt and heating it makes a sauce that’s excellent on either chicken or sauted green beans. And for really excellent mashed potatoes, boil diced potatoes and a few cloves of garlic in milk and then mash it all together.
I don’t recommend doing it every night (too many dishes, for one thing), but cooking in your room can save you walking up all those stairs in the campus center or waiting in line at Weswings-on top of providing you with better food. And don’t forget, it’s Resistance.