 Russia is in transition- from authoritarianism to democracy, from a command economy to unbridled capitalism, and from crackpot leadership to… um… crackpot leadership. Against this backdrop of chaos and change, Alexander Lebed has made his entrance into the Russian political scene. Heralded by many as the "populist for the people" and a corruption fighter, Lebed ran against current Russian president Boris Yeltsin in the past election, briefly held a cabinet position in Yeltsin's government, and currently is governor of an impoverished, remote, and underdeveloped Siberian garden spot. Many pundits see Lebed as the next great leader for Russia, as the man who will guide it into the next millenium. After all, he seems like the natural choice: a distinguished military career, good teeth, and no association with the corrupt influences of power politics, right? Wrong. Let me introduce you to Alexander Lebed, horsethief, adulterer, and Russian patriot:Lebed the Peacemaker Due to his part in resolving the Russo-Chechnyan war, many hold Lebed to be a peacemaker of sorts. But his inept "solution" to the Chechnyan problem was little more than a half-assed agreement to disagree. As it stands, Chechnya thinks that it is a sovereign, independent nation. Russia officially views it as a eccentric province. And Lebed's opinion on the subject? "Here we have a Russian (province), bombed to bits by Russian planes paid for by Russian taxpayers who are now going to have to pay a second time to rebuild it." Coming from the man who brokered the peace treaty, all I can say is "nice job." Chechnya is a powder keg that will explode as soon as someone crosses a line they don't even know exists, and Russia can thank Alexander Lebed for that.
Lebed the Tolerant "All these Mormons are mold and filth which have come to destroy the state. The state should outlaw them." -June 1996, commenting on evangelical Mormons in Russia. While Lebed has had little to say on the subject of religious tolerance, I think that we can infer from the above statement that he doesn't own a copy of the Tanach, or the Book of Mormon, for that matter.
Lebed the Populist "Most Russians don't care whether they are ruled by fascists or communists or even Martians as long as they can buy six kinds of sausage in the store and lots of cheap vodka." -Financial Times, September 6, 1994. Yes, this is a man with a deep and abiding respect for his constituents.
Lebed the Democrat Although Lebed has had to work through a democratic system to gain power, he certainly hasn't enjoyed it. "What kind of an election is it, if there is no fraud?"
he asked the public in 1996, before the presidential election. Let me field that one- A REAL DEMOCRATIC ELECTION, YOU PSYCHOPATH!
Lebed the Human Rights Activist Lebed is also a noted agitator for the violation of human rights. Talking about Pinochet, the brutal Chilean dictator, Lebed commented that "I'm not one to praise Pinochet... but he saved the state from total collapse... The loudmouths were forced, and forced in a brutal manner, to shut their mouths." Many of those loudmouths, or "legally elected representatives of the people" as we sometimes call them, died hideous deaths at the hands of a vile dictatorship. Sounds like praise to me.
And last, but certainly not least, let me introduce Lebed, the farsighted politician:"The world is afraid of us, because we are thin and hungry, and in the history of the world, it is the thin and hungry who make war on the rich and fat. My main foreign policy would be to make Russia rich and fat." …so the thin and hungry people can kick your fucking ass, right? So let me ask you, is this the right man to make Russia rich and fat? Let's hope not. |